I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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