I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
