I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
