The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
