then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
