I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
