i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
