what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
