Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
