so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize