Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
