Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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