the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
