You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
