Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I lost the right to judge tonight
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
