we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
