If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
