New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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