I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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