We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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