I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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