You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
