but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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