____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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