I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
