Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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