I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am mentally ready for anal.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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