So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
