I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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