so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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