If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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