roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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