I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
