hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
