fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
