Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
