can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
