Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
