So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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