so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
we should paint friendship bongs
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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