Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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