Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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