i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
