I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
