Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
