best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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