I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Houston, we have a blender
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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