8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
