i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
