I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
